I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
