just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
