So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
