Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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