What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
