Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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