oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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