ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
