Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
