you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
