I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The power of my boobs compel you
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
