Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
