I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
