I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Bang-toberfest begins!!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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