I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
