Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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