After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
