the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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