6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
