And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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