plz talk dirty to me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just found puke in my bra..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
