planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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