I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
