This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
