yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
