her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
