a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
