Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
