This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
