Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
