I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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