I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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