did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
