Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
