This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
