cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
