I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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