if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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