D3 body, D1 cock
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
