Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
