I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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