Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
