so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
