Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
