what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i already hear my dad disowning me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
