I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
