Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
