i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
