End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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