It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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