she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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