I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
