I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
