community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
