Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
