omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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