im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
