i just wanna soil my oats bro
I cannot find my penis.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize