In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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