Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
