i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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