He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
