Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
