Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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