i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
