Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
