i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
