Well douche your snatch and let's go!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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