This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
