She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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