Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
