He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
