i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
