I'm drive I can fine osifer
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
