dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
