Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
