I think my vagina is haunted
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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